You Are Divorced and Feeling Lost: 9 Tips for Self-Care

You’ve gone through divorce and it’s natural that you are feeling sad, disappointed, betrayed, or even hopeless. These are the times when everything you hoped for and believed in become lost. You don’t know what to do or what the future will bring. This is a difficult state of limbo that brings out many of our insecurities.

What matters now is that you start taking care of yourself. That may not be what you want to do, but it’s an essential step for your recovery after divorce. The following are basic steps that will help you get going when the going gets tough.

9 Basic Steps to Take While on the Road to Recovery After Divorce.

1. Get Enough Sleep

Sleep is essential for the healthy functioning of both your brain and body in general. All your organs get replenished during sleep, and your brain integrates experiences and learning. During these difficult times, you may have trouble sleeping or you may be inclined to sleep too long during the day. But, in either case, it’s essential to maintain sleep hygiene. In other words, continue going to sleep at the same time you always have and continue maintaining the same conditions in the room where you sleep. Proper sleep will help you heal faster, both emotionally and physically.

2. Get Moving

You can’t stay in the same space if you get moving. No pun intended. What I’m trying to say here is, start exercising. You can’t stay in a gloomy mood if you start exercising. Even if you start doing something physical for five to 10 minutes, it’ll make a difference. I know it’s hard to start something that you really don’t feel like doing. When you are depressed, you really don’t feel like exercising. But this doesn’t need to be a super vigorous workout. Just do something.

Bonus tip: do it outdoors, in the sun, if your health allows. Research shows that spending time outdoors and in the sun has very positive effects on our mood and health in general. Of course, you need to consult your physician if you are not sure if exercising is right for you.

3. Get Going with Routine Daily Activities

Maintaining a regular routine is essential for your recovery. It’s understandable that you may need to take some time off and recover if you feel the need, but continuing to take care of your duties can help you feel normalcy again as time goes by. Having too much time on your hands and not doing anything can lead to deeper depression and the potential for substance abuse or other unhealthy behaviors. Even if you are not working, you can engage in volunteering, hobbies, start your own business, etc.

4. Schedule Time to Wallow in Your Sorrows

This sounds ridiculous, right? Of course, it does. A licensed therapist tells you to indulge in your depressive moods. Well, it’s an effective intervention to help people feel in control of their symptoms. So, go ahead and schedule that time with yourself to just feel sad and sorry. Dwell until you feel bored. Don’t go more than 15 to 20 minutes.

This is very helpful when you feel teary during work for instance. In that moment, you can tell yourself that you have scheduled some time to “dwell.” Thus, you give yourself a chance to honor your grief while continuing with your daily activities, and you feel in charge of your emotions.

5. Schedule Time to Reflect on All the Great Things About Being Single

Every situation in life has the duality of positive vs. negative, grief vs. happiness, loss vs. gain. Being married had its advantages, but you also need to sacrifice for it. Similarly, being single can be seen as advantageous in so many ways. Now is the time when you can do all those things that you didn’t do because you wanted to maintain status quo in your relationship. It’s even possible that you neglected your health, appearance, or values in order to make the relationship work. Now is the time when you can focus on yourself and enjoy the life you couldn’t during your marriage. How about starting by going to a restaurant you didn’t go to because he didn’t like that kind of food. Or, going to museums or exhibits that he was never into? What else can you think of?

6. Reach Out to Your Old Friends

Yes, those ones who you somewhat neglected while you were lost in your relationship. We’ve all been there. We get married, life takes over, and friendships go on the back burner. Still, reach out to your good friends. If they were true friends, they will be there for you and they will understand your preoccupation with family and other obligations. Your friends will be there to bring you ice cream and warm socks if want to just stay in, or they may even drag you out against your will, and it’s going to be good for you.

7. Maintain a Healthy Diet

It’s natural that you will be tempted to reach out for comfort food, but if you give into it for too long, it can lead to negative health consequences. It’s also been shown that processed foods usually affect mood negatively. In order to avoid this, you can surround yourself with healthy options, such as fruits and vegetables. If you have enough fruit around, you can eat it instead of sugary treats. This will help you curb down cravings. It also provides you with the needed nutrients to help you heal and recover faster.

8. Sign Up for Something New

Riding class? Oh, my God! How amazing it is. In spite of the fear of falling, being able to maneuver a beautiful huge animal is so empowering. Even more than that, the connection of being with horses is very healing. They are able to fill you with love and joy.

Not a horse person? No worries. There are so many activities out there, and there are probably things you wanted to do, but never had a chance. This is your chance. Sign up for knitting or a sewing class. Go rock climbing or skydiving. Try meet-up groups. You can find meet-up groups for just about any activity under the sun.

Doing something new rewires your brain. You create new neural pathways, and this is very healing. An added bonus is that you can meet new people while doing these activities. You are starting a new life, and this will help you create new experiences.

9. Be Compassionate Towards Yourself

You are probably not used to it, but now is the time to start. Nurture self-compassion. Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to get over your ex quickly. Allow yourself to be in this limbo space and honor your tempo of the grieving process. It’s OK to acknowledge where you are and accept the fact that you are feeling sad, disappointed, betrayed, or hopeless. Only when you are mindful of where you are now can you move on to be where you want to be.

Source: https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/you-are-divorced-and-feeling-lost-tips-for-self-care/

The Collateral Damage Of Divorce: You Might Lose Some Friends (And Family Too)

I feel like there’s a saying somewhere that goes something like, “Men come and go, but friendships are forever.” Maybe I’m delusional, maybe I’m naïve, but I swear this is a thing. Or was a thing.

Either way, there should be a gigantic, neon warning sign on the marriage certificate that states, “If this union shall end in divorce, one of you will keep the friends, and the other will suffer in isolation and misery.”

I made many of my most meaningful friendships during my marriage. They included his family and friends, but also people we collected together along the way. I became close to his friends’ significant others and seemed to form deep bonds with them — vacationing annually together, girls’ trips, visiting each other in the hospital during our babies’ births, raising our kids together, and sharing some of the most intimate parts of our hearts with one another over the years.

Until one day — poof – they were gone.

I truly wasn’t prepared to lose some of my best friends while going through a divorce. If there’s anything that can test one’s sanity and will to persevere, this is it. I’ve never felt so dark, so buried, in my entire life. Losing my spouse was one thing, one thing I chose to walk away from with the heaviest heart, so that we could all find happiness. But I didn’t choose to lose my support network, and I didn’t choose for people to ‘pick a team’. I never anticipated this part.

I guess when those on the outside don’t understand why you walked away, judgment takes hold, and sometimes, like in my case, you’re kicked to the curb. And it’s devastating. It’s a pain so sharp, it has knocked the air out of my lungs over and over again. I didn’t know I could hurt this much. I didn’t know making a decision, a decision that I believe to be the best for my family, would cost me everything.

But it has.

And it really sucks.

The most hurtful days fell on the week of the Fourth of July. My ex-husband and I agreed that he would have the kids for the second half of the day, and I would have them for the morning. My ex was scheduled to pick them up at noon, so we had plenty of time to grab brunch and hit up the park.

But then he called me and asked if he could come get them early because all of their friends and cousins were already gathered, and wanted to see them. Without hesitating, I agreed because I wanted my kids to be happy, and I knew this would make their day.
I was fully prepared to let my kids go and enjoy their holiday, but I wasn’t prepared for what it would do to me.

I spent the rest of that day torturing myself as I scrolled through social media watching my kids, my ex, and all of our his friends frolic on the beach, barbecue, and watch fireworks as the sun went down.

It’s like I had died and was watching my old life through my phone screen. No one invited me, no one called me, and I felt as low as one could feel. The self-deprecating thoughts began: Maybe this is what I deserve since I walked away, maybe I’m unlovable, maybe no one ever cared for me the way I thought they did. I sunk into my couch and went to sleep as the fireworks popped off in the distance. I felt like I was stranded on an island, and no one was going to send a search party.

Divorce sucks.

Losing pieces of your old life sucks.

And losing friends really really sucks.

So, yes, I’m having a bit of a heartbreak, but not everyone has ghosted me. Going through a divorce is like planning for a wedding or preparing for a baby, you find out who those ride-or-die friends really are, and it makes you cry rivers of joy knowing people like that exist in your life.

I can count on one hand who has stuck by my side — not chosen my side, but supported me without judgment or expectation. So many people feel as though you owe them an explanation when going through a divorce. They want to know, and they often want to pick a side. But unless you’ve been through it, no one quite understands the overwhelming emotional undertaking that is a divorce. Especially when children are involved.

Whether you’re the one walking away from the marriage or not, you take on your emotions, your spouse’s emotions, your kids’ emotions, and then everyone else who feels you owe them an explanation. It’s a lot. It’s too much. And I don’t care how strong we are, we need friends who will just listen without judgment. And I thank God for the few I have.

These are the friends who don’t give a shit if you haven’t answered their calls in two weeks — they still call or text you every day to say, “I love you. I’m here for you when you are ready. You can do this.” They are the friends who leave cards on your doorstep that are filled with words of support and encouragement. They bring Chinese food and wine over unannounced and don’t leave until you’ve stopped crying. They offer to take your kids off your hands for an afternoon while you attend your weekly therapy appointment.

They don’t leave. They don’t go silent. They don’t take the divorce personally. They don’t pry. They don’t make it about them. They are diamonds in the rough, and I hope they know just how much I truly appreciate them during this difficult time.

There’s no two ways about it: Divorce fucking sucks. But when your true friends and family rise to the occasion and put you back together over and over and over again? That’s the silver lining. That’s the light in all of the darkness. Quality over quantity.

Source: https://www.scarymommy.com/after-divorce-lost-friends-family/

3 Key Steps to Gaining Emotional Freedom After Divorce

Despite finalizing your divorce, feelings of anger, sadness, and resentment may stay with you. Follow these three steps to achieving an Emotional Divorce, which will ultimately help you realize emotional freedom.

You have a piece of paper that says you are divorced. Finances, property, kids have all been hammered out. You are now free to live your own life.
However, for some reason it still feels like you’re emotionally tied to your former spouse. The fighting, frustrations, disappointments have continued. It’s the same old same old. You thought that getting divorced would stop all this, and now you see it hasn’t. What is going on?

Simple: you have not achieved the Emotional Divorce… yet. I say yet because although challenging and painful to do, it can be accomplished. The main requirement is to look within. This is where the Emotional Divorce is accomplished.

After my divorce, I was still angry, frustrated, and resentful. The same problems I had in the marriage were still happening in my post-divorce life. I felt captive, not free. It was when I decided to look inward that the seeds of the Emotional Divorce were planted, and then my emotional freedom began to grow.

All I can say is, it was hard and painful. Sometimes I really did not like what I saw about myself, which was the most difficult to undertake. However, I made a commitment, dialed up my courage, and kept on going.

Here are three key steps you can take to start the process of achieving an Emotional Divorce:

3 Steps to Take to Achieve an Emotional Divorce

1. Reflection

Reflecting is looking back, not going back into your past. There is a distinct difference between these two ways. Reflecting is firmly rooted in today as an observer, reviewing your past. Reflecting is not thinking about your past and reliving it. Reflecting is to stand back from the emotions, feelings, and judgments in order to discern or recognize the facts in order to develop a new perspective. To reflect is to look for the truth and acknowledge things about yourself or others that are difficult to admit. Reflection brings clarity, understanding, and balance. It also involves an element of inner resolution in order to step forward in your life.

While reflecting back on my marriage, I played a movie in my head, pretending I was sitting in a theater seat. I saw on the big screen two needy people, one who was silent (my ex) and one who was vocal in anger (me). It became clear how we each reacted and acted through the lens of our neediness, creating an unhappy marriage.

2. Accountability

If you are thinking I am to blame, belittling, or being defensive in any way, that is not it. It is not punishment. Accountability is all about taking ownership of your thinking, feelings, and actions. It a nonjudgmental look at how you internally operate and then making a choice to do something about it. You come with your belief systems, experiences, and viewpoint. You created your viewpoint, your triggers, basically your reality. Accountability is you see it, you own it, you choose, you act.

After I got divorced, I looked to my former husband to step in and help with picking up the kids after work. He was closer, I was farther away. He rarely came through when we were married, and yet I kept thinking and expecting it to change. I experienced the same feelings of anger and resent. I finally stopped blaming my ex and took ownership of my part in it. I was the one with all those unrealistic expectations, beliefs, anger, resentment — I owned that. I chose to accept that I needed to change, not him. I felt freer for the first time in a long time.

3. Action

This is all about steps or movement, better known as doing something. An action is the result of your thinking and feeling. You think, you feel, you act. Taking the same external action step when something isn’t working and expecting a different outcome is self-sabotage at its best. New and different action is required to get the result that you desire. Consider new action as a way of solidifying your new and different perspective, which paves the way to your Emotional Divorce.

After I took ownership of my thinking, I took different external action steps with my former husband. I stopped asking him to pick up the kids from day care and asked other people instead. New action. I decided to put an end to waiting to be reimbursed for his portion of day care, gymnastics, karate, etc. I informed all those places to set up separate billing for each of us. LOTS of new action. The feeling of freedom began to soar.

An Emotional Divorce is an important piece of the entire divorce process. It gives you emotional freedom from your emotional pain and problems. Basically, they don’t change, you change. It is the springboard in creating the new and happy you.

Source: https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/key-steps-to-gaining-emotional-freedom-after-divorce/

This Is What It Feels Like When Your Marriage Is Ending

My husband and I have had years to get (somewhat) comfortable with the fact our marriage is ending. It’s been a long road, and we have dealt with the denial, the hurt, the pain, and the mourning. And we did it our way and kept it between us for a really long time. And now we are living apart, and are in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with our new normal, day by day.

To people on the outside looking in, they have said they see two people who look happy and are going to be okay, but that is because we decided early on to respect the other’s privacy during our nightmare. We both had very close friends to talk to over the years, but our neighbors didn’t know. Our parents didn’t know. Our extended family didn’t know. The guy who owns the corner store didn’t know. Our kids knew something was going on — they always do — but they didn’t really know.

As hard as we tried to stuff our feelings, it was impossible. The charade was exhausting. Trying to convince the ones you love the most you are happily swimming along, when in reality you can’t even tread water, is too heavy to carry.

Since we have started talking openly about our breakup, I’ve been asked the same question by women I know, and women I don’t: “What is it like?”

Maybe what they really want to say is “Give me hope. Tell me what to do.”

Some of them mention they want to do the same thing, and they simply need to know they aren’t alone. I often think they are reaching out to someone who has been there, because they are wondering if they were to end their marriage, would they be okay? Would they make it through to the other side?

They come to me, asking for the truth, all of it. I understand — I wanted to know too. I was searching for some kind of validation. I needed to know I could rewrite my story and still stand up in my next chapter. I had to be absolutely positive my family (including my husband) would be okay if we did this for real.

I don’t know what the answers are for anyone else. Relationships are not one-size-fits-all. They bend, they wear, they rust, their shape changes. Sometimes they become more beautiful with time, and other times, they become so warped and unrecognizable, you don’t want them any more. What is enough for one couple might not work for another.

So all I can say when people say to me, “I am thinking of doing this too. We are in the same place. Are you okay?” is yes and no. We seem happy because we already put our time and misery in before we shared it with anyone. We waited until we made a final decision to talk openly about it. No one has to do it this way; this is what we chose, but it’s the end of a chapter nonetheless and the beginning of a new life. The pain ebbs and flows, and you have no choice but to feel it, to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Honestly, I am living a life I never thought I’d be living, and sometimes, it can feel like I am using all my energy to climb out of hell. This usually comes two minutes after I have a moment of peaceful clarity. Your marriage ending can be an asshole like that, even if it’s what both people want. One minute, you’re feeling happy, content, and free. The next? Your heart is breaking all over again, and you can’t hold back the sobs.

What you are seeing when you look at us is the undoing of a relationship that wasn’t working. We wanted to become two people who held each other’s hands and promised we would dig deep and try our best to go our separate ways while helping the other through it. And thankfully, we are.

We still have an unbreakable partnership because we made three amazing humans together. Nothing will change that. We vowed we would make this as bearable as we could for all involved, and sometimes it comes easy, and sometimes it feels like the universe is giving us the middle finger, but we are still standing.

I have days when it feels like I am living a double life. I have moments when I wonder what the fuck we’ve done, only to walk upstairs to try to find my daughter’s shoes, catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and have a feeling of absolute confidence and certainty wash over me. And when the next blow comes, I am somehow more ready to take it because I know I’m doing what is best for me, my kids, and my ex-husband too.

I cry a lot, like the day I took off my engagement ring and wedding band. I wanted to wear them longer, but the weekend my husband moved out I developed the most painful sensation under them — something I’d never felt. I lifted up the platinum bands to see my skin literally peeling off underneath. It felt like 100 bee stings. I took them off and watched them swirl around on the vanity. I knew I’d never put those rings back on as I sat on the toilet and cried into a gray bath towel. It hurt like hell.

And then I felt good, really good, and I stared at my newly naked hand just as much as I did when the ring was slid on my finger for the first time. I held it up to the light, but instead of catching the glare from the diamond, this time it was bare, the light catching only the indentation where those rings sat for so long.
It feels like freedom and sorrow. It is freeing to let go of a relationship that is no longer serving you. You can be sorry and miss someone without wanting your old relationship back, and that is confusing as hell. You don’t believe it, until you’re living it.
Some days, I float along in a trance, trying to get through. Some days, I want to go out and conquer the world.
There are days when the sun hurts my eyes, and my marriage ending feels like wanting to curl up under a down comforter and have someone hold me. I don’t even want to talk because I can’t even get my thoughts in order. I am so unbelievably tired. I didn’t know an exhaustion like this was possible.

It feels like shame. It feels like failing. It feels unnatural.
It feels like someone is peeling back my layers. I am raw and fresh and ready to move forward, but I am more petrified than I have ever been. Then I remember I am the one doing the peeling, and suddenly I know what to do — just move forward, one step at a time. And I do.

Until I forget again. Divorce is a bitch like that.

I am a mixed bag of emotions. I want to be the best mom and tell myself I will never make any more mistakes, ever. Then I call myself out on my own bullshit and give myself a break and drop the “I need to be all the things to make up for being unable to be married to their father anymore.” I can’t carry that, and I would never want him to carry that.

One thing I’ve learned through this is that when you want to make a life-changing decision, you usually do it. You move toward it even if you are scared shitless, even on the days you question yourself.

If you are moving toward staying in your marriage, that is what you want.

If you are moving away from it, then that is what you want.

And of course, you may flip-flop between both extremes before truly figuring out your next step.

Ending your marriage is not black and white. The experience is different for everyone, but it does mean you are shedding an old version of yourself. And before you start feeling better, you will probably feel worse. You will struggle, you will second-guess, you will feel like you are broken in two and the only thing holding you together is pure grit.

But deep down, you will know. You will keep moving through the pain, peeling back the layers, heading toward your truth. No one else’s, just yours. You’ve got this.

Source: https://www.scarymommy.com/what-divorce-feels-like/

Expectation, Disappointment, and Sadness

Disappointment can be profound.

In a previous blog I wrote about the concept of "sad love." But the emotion of sadness can be felt in many other situations as well, and it is particularly profound in the experience of disappointment.

First, let's consider sadness in general. When sadness is triggered, a heavy emptiness or longing is felt because your brain's appraisal system has determined that you have experienced a lasting loss. You may want to have someone or something that is unattainable or to bring back what was lost, even if what caused your sadness has to do with finally recognizing something that you had subsequently denied. Sadness is a painful emotion of disconnection from someone or something that you value or had wanted to value. It differs qualitatively and temporally from grief, which may have a greater impact on your perception of the world and is longer lasting.

Sadness helps you to remember, rather than forget, what it is or was that you desired. It promotes personal reflection following a loss that is important to you, and turns your attention inward in a way that can promote resignation and acceptance (Lazarus, 1991). Thus, the emotion of sadness attempts to assist you by giving you an opportunity to consider the impact of your loss and the necessity of revising your objectives and strategies for the future. One study found that sadness tends to decrease one's confidence in first impressions (Schwartz, 1990). Another found that the experience of sadness leads one to struggle with the painful, existential question of "Who am I?" (Henretty, Levitt, & Mathews, 2008). If sadness can help you to remember and accept reality, achieve insight that can realign your goals, alert you to be cautious before making decisions, and create an opportunity for you to observe yourself, then perhaps its adaptive purpose is evident: like all emotions, sadness, in spite of how it makes you feel, is simply trying to protect you.

Disappointment is a profound way in which sadness is experienced. People seem to do whatever they can to avoid recognizing that they are disappointed and will twist their thinking every which way to not recognize a true disappointment. You may be disappointed in a parent, your child, your spouse, a lover, an employer or job, an event, or in yourself. In any case, disappointment is the experience of sadness involving unfulfilled hopes or expectations. When you consider what might have been, in contrast to what exists in the present, you may experience disappointment.

In my psychotherapy practice I have found that people avoid disappointment far more than many other emotional experiences. Disappointment comes with finality--the recognition that you don't have, didn't get, or will never achieve whatever it is that you wanted. You might experience being angry with a parent, spouse, relative, employer, or friend, and that is far easier to feel than your disappointment in the relationship. Disappointment forces you to admit that you did not get what you wished to have, and it is actually easier for you to protest with anger than it is to encounter your sadness about the course of events. In an obstinate way, anger will allow you to continue idealizing what could have been while consciously denigrating it, and you will hang onto it only because it's what you needed at the time. Disappointment accepts reality.

There is one more aspect of the sadness triggered with disappointment that is worthy of mention. Usually it is assumed that people who value happiness are able to hold on to positive feelings and may be resilient, if not immune, to the negative effects of disappointing experiences. But this may not always be the case, according to the findings of a recent study. Under certain circumstances, valuing happiness may be self-defeating and result in disappointment, depending upon how people evaluate their progress toward that goal (Mauss, Tamir, Anderson, & Savino, 2011). The researchers found that valuing happiness can set people up for disappointment, especially if they compare themselves to an ideal. So perhaps the way in which to foster resilience is to construct realistic appraisals of what you need, avoid idealizing what could be, and come to terms with what you have.
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For more information regarding my books about emotions: http://www.marylamia.com

This blog is in no way intended as a substitute for medical or psychological counseling. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

References

Henretty, J., Levitt, H. & Mathews, S. (2008). Clients' experiences of moments of sadness in psychotherapy: A grounded theory analysis. Psychotherapy Research, 18(3), 243-255.
Lazarus, R.S. (1991). Emotion and adaptation. New York, NY, US: Oxford University
Press.

Mauss, I.B., Tamir, M., Anderson, C.L., & Savino, N.S. (2011) Can seeking happiness make people happy? Paradoxical effects of valuing happiness. Emotion, 11(4), 808-815.
Schwarz, N. (1990). Feelings as information: Informational and motivational functions of affective states. In E.T. Higgins & R.M. Sorrentino (Eds.), Handbook of motivation and cognition: Foundations of social behavior: Vol. II (pp. 527-561). New York: Guilford Press.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201111/expectation-sadness-and-disappointment

Fifteen Simple Ways To Overcome Depression And Sadness

Depression can be debilitating and is very different from just feeling unhappy. Usually, there is a reason for unhappiness such as being rejected or not getting the job you wanted. Depression is a pervasive feeling. It’s almost as if you are in a black tunnel with no light. Hope disappears and the things you used to find enjoyable become a chore. Even winning the lottery would not snap someone out of depression and it is never a good idea to tell someone who is depressed to sort themselves out and pull themselves together.

Unfortunately, it isn’t that simple, but there are ways to alleviate the symptoms of depression.

1. Practice Mindfulness

A depressed mind tends to mull over all that is wrong and worries unnecessarily about all the negative possibilities that may emerge in the future. This negative thought cycle reinforces misery and is not helpful in managing to overcome depression. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment and is a skill that needs to be practiced. More often than not, our brains are full of thoughts and focusing on the present moment seems unnatural for our minds. Practice on engaging your senses in the moment. Focus on touch, taste, sight, sound and smell. Engaging the senses leaves less time for worry.

2. Listen to Upbeat Music

I have always thought of music as food for the soul. An upbeat tune can change an atmosphere instantly and create a more positive vibe. Listening to upbeat, happy music alters brain chemistry and can improve your mood.

3. Use Touch

Science shows that touch therapies can help some people overcome depression, lower the stress hormone cortisol and increase the feel-good hormone oxytocin. Therapies to consider include acupuncture, acupressure, massage, reiki and reflexology.

4. Include Omega 3 Fatty Acids in Your Diet

Research has shown that depressed people often lack a fatty acid known as EPA. Participants in a 2002 study featured in the Archives of General Psychiatry took just a gram of fish oil each day and noticed a 50-percent decrease in symptoms such as anxiety, sleep disorders, unexplained feelings of sadness, suicidal thoughts, and decreased sex drive. Omega-3 fatty acids can also lower cholesterol and improve cardiovascular health. Get omega-3s through walnuts, flaxseed and oily fish like salmon or tuna.

5. Stop the Negative Self Talk

Depressed people tend to see the world in a negative way. When things go wrong they blame themselves and when they go right, they put it down to luck. Depression reinforces self doubt and feelings of worthlessness. Monitor your inner negative talk and make allowances for this type of thinking by reminding yourself that your thinking is that of a depressed person, not a healthy functioning person. Don’t take your thoughts seriously when you are feeling low. Acknowledge the thoughts but this doesn’t mean you have to believe them. Keep perspective.

6. Bide Your Time

Accept that your mental state is not entirely balanced. During depression, we tend to see the negatives in everything and find it harder to be balanced about what is going on. Gently remind yourself that you are tuned into the ‘negativity channel’ and don’t listen to your thinking. It is definitely distorted when you are depressed. This idea alone can provide some comfort when the world appears bleak. It won’t last forever. Remind yourself that change is constant and that you won’t always feel this way. Be patient and do your best to look after yourself in the meantime. Eat well and get a decent amount of sleep. Say to yourself “This shall pass”.

7. Distract Yourself

If possible, do your best to distract yourself from over thinking. Your thoughts are your enemy when depression sets in. Play with a pet or go for a walk. Read a book if you are able to concentrate or finish a puzzle. Do anything that takes your mind off your fears and worries. Keeping busy is an effective way to overcome depression.

8. Use More Light

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is known for causing low mood over the winter months when there is less sunlight. Invest in a sunlamp – a 300 watt bulb within three feet for 20 minutes three times a day can help. SAD symptoms can include problems sleeping, anxiety, depression, irritability, fatigue, apathy and loss of libido and using light can help to overcome depression and these other symptoms.

9. Try Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive therapy can be extremely useful in counteracting depression and is based on the principle that certain ways of thinking can trigger certain health problems, such as depression. The counselor helps you to understand your current thought patterns and identify any harmful or false ideas and thoughts that you have that can trigger depression or make it worse. The aim is to change your ways of thinking to avoid these ideas as well as help your thought patterns to be more realistic and helpful.

10. Write in a Journal

A journal can work in two ways. Use it to write down fears and worries. Sometimes, having an outlet in this way can be soothing and ease your mind. Another good way to use a journal (I prefer this way) is to write at least five things down every day that you are grateful for. This forces us to think more positively and can help to remind us that things are never that bad. In a gratitude journal, you can write about anything that happened in the day that made you feel appreciative. A stranger smiling at you, the sun shining..anything positive will do!

11. Connect with Friends

This can be one of the hardest things to do when feeling depressed but it is one of the most rewarding activities. Force yourself to go out. Isolating oneself from others may seem a good idea but put a limit on it and then get out there again. This can have a huge positive effect on your mood.

12. Get Enough Sleep

Sleep and mood are closely connected. Inadequate sleep can cause irritability and stress, while healthy sleep can enhance well-being. Studies have shown that even partial sleep deprivation has a significant effect on mood.Take steps to ensure adequate sleep will this will lead to improved mood and well-being. The quality of your sleep directly affects the quality of your waking life, including your mental sharpness, productivity, emotional balance, creativity, physical vitality, and even your weight. No other activity delivers so many benefits with so little effort so aim for between 7.5 and 9 hours sleep per night.

13. Forgive Others

When we hold a grudge, we are the ones that feel the anger. The person whom we are angry with is probably merrily going about their business completely oblivious to your feelings. Don’t allow others to have this power over you. They have may have caused you grief in the past, try not to allow that grief to continue – it only affects you, not them. Find a way to forgive – they are not worthy of your time. Lighten the emotional load and you will improve your mood and help you to overcome depression.

14. Exercise

Regular exercise has benefits for helping to overcome depression. Exercise releases endorphins which improve natural immunity and improve mood. Besides lifting your mood, regular exercise offers other health benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, protecting against heart disease, cancer and boosting self-esteem. Experts advise getting half an hour to an hour of moderate exercise, such as brisk walking at least three to four times per week.

15. Don’t give up

Depression can make you want to hide away from the world and disappear. It’s okay to take some time out but give yourself a time limit and then do something productive to improve your mood. Depression can be well managed (I know this from personal experience) and there can be a wonderful life beyond depression. Hang in there and keep the faith.

Although the above suggestions can be effective, depression that perseveres should be investigated further and seeing a Doctor to chat over any symptoms is a step in the right direction.

Source: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/fifteen-simple-ways-overcome-depression-and-sadness.html